Todo...I've a Feeling We're Not in Connecticut Anymore

Michigan. The Land of 10,000 White Trash Steak Restaurants. Michigan, I kid because I love, I kid because I love. Anyway, I know you are all dying to know how the 11 hour drive was. It went a little something like this...

Welcome to New York
Welcome to New Jersey
Welcome to Pennsylvania
Welcome to Ohio
Welcome to Michigan

And that was it, plain and simple. It's so easy maybe you'll feel like driving up to visit me. You start feeling like you ain't in the Northeast no mo' somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania. I even saw the filming locations for a couple TV shows I've seen before. You might have seen these shows as well...

Cops: Toledo
Cops: Cleveland
Cops: Pittsburgh
Cops: Ypsilanti

I think the crowning moment when I realized I would be living in the midwest for 2 years happened somewhere right over the Michigan border at about 10pm on Thursday. So you know those bumper stickers that say "My Child is an Honor Roll Student at Whatever Middle School"? Of course you've seen those. And you've likely seen the bumper stickers that say "My Child Beat Up Your Honor Roll Student", which is kind of amusing for like five seconds. Well in Michigan I saw this gem "My Horse Bucked Off Your Honor Roll Student" complete with a picture of a horse bucking some little boy backwards into the air. I mean, seriously, you tell me where you've seen that bumper sticker before. The guy also had a bumper sticker that said "Get My American Flag Off Your Foreign Car". This here is car country, and don't you forget it.

But anyway, the campus is really really nice and my apartment is coming along slowly, but after hitting up ever major big box with my Dad the past few days I am in good shape. And just a shout to my Dad, because we did an absurd amount of hustling in the past 3 days. I could've done it myself, but it surely would've taken me until graduation. Thank you. And because not only am I the source of 5 minutes of entertaining reading a few days a week, but also the source of important suggestions and recommendations I'm going to give you this brief synopsis

Ikea > Bed Bath and Beyond > Linens and WT > Yo Momma

Ikea is beyond ridiculous. If you are moving and budget conscious and you are in Ikea and want to hold out to see what's up at the other big boxes save your time and buy it at Ikea. Where else can you buy a plant, wines glasses, a couch, a tool set, art and get 15 Swedish meatballs (for $4.59 at Cafeteria) all whilst drinking the finest Lingonberry juice you have ever tasted? None of this half-assed, from concentrate Lingonberry juice I've seen you all drinking lately, I said THE FINEST. And of course it is very tough to beat their prices.

I have a ton of red tape to deal with in the next week or so but I'm going to keep up with the blog because I hear you America, you just can't get enough. And as long as I'm in the foreign land of Michigan I'm going to have plenty to write about. So I'm just going to leave you with this last little anecdote. I went out in my 'hood yesterday to buy sandwiches for me and my Dad. He wanted Roast Beef with lettuce, tomato, and Russian. Easiest sandwich ever. So I see a sub shop which will obviously have what I need and I go in. And this place is a chain mind you. So I go in and I order the sandwich, Roast Beef with lettuce, tomato, and Russian. The guy at the counter shoots me this crazy look and says "We don't have Russian", to which I replied "Really?". So this jagass says, "Hey man, this is a sub shop, we don't serve salads here". Oh so in the Midwest I guess Russian dressing is too dainty to put on sandwiches? What do they use instead of Russian, perhaps the blood of their first-born?. Or is it that people here are soooo pro-America that they won't even carry Russian dressing because it's too "foreign sounding"? I know people are sensitive about losing their jobs to foreign competition, and I understand that, but it's Russian dressing people, Russian dressing isn't going to steal your job so just relax. I mean, I love me some America, but jeez.

I'm off to do some walking around, and despite my ranting and raving I really do like it here and am looking forward to paying $6.59/lb. for cold cuts at the local Kroger for the next two years.