Is that a Spanikopita in your pocket or are you just happy to hear from me?

Oh, that is a spanikopita...all right then.

Santorini continues to impress. It's a little more glamorous than Mykonos, and by glamorous I mean people don't sit down for dinner just wearing their little banana hammock bathing suits. Today we rented one of those 4-wheelers your mom tells you never to ride and then we set out for the beaches on the northern tip of the island. Ammoudi beach was little more than a few rocks but it did offer some pretty sweet cliff diving and the water was perfect. Then we hit the black rock beach of something or another and hung out there and got some sun. We're in Oia now, and successfully snuck into the Best Western to use their pool. I feel like they owe me at least a dip for all the subpar hotel experiences I've had there.

Anyway, I'm about to get timed out of the internet here. Sunset dinner in Oia and then a 30 min ride back into Fira for a nap and perhaps a couple awkward conversations with 17 year old girls at the bar later on tonight.

It's All Greek to Me

So we're in Mykonos now. Last night there were like, 20 of us at dinner and Stavros Niarchos is telling this long story and I cut in and I'm like, Stavros, malaka, there's a reason they call it "shipping", and then everyone burst out into laughter.

Ok, that is totally false. After three consecutive 20-22 hour days I passed out early after eating my first Greek meal, a chicken burrito from a mexican restaurant. Viva Zapata, baby. I got back into the Greek swing of things at lunch with a little rose to go with my grilled octopus. Good stuff.

Mykonos has been good so far. Beach has been excellent, and at 4:30p the house music starts to thump and the clothes start to come off. For the majority of the folks the clothes should really be staying on though. When I left you all last I was hot and bothered, and it got a little worse after that. We took a shortcut to the hotel and happened upon "Little Albania". I'm wasn't so much worried about being mugged, as much as I was worried about being put on a spit and grilled. I wish I was kidding. But things got better once I remembered that the hotel had a rooftop pool. When it's hot out and you go into a pool my grandfather likes to call it a "michaya" which is yiddish and is probably spelled wrong. For those of you not up on your yiddish it's the equivalent of reaching into an old jacket pocket, finding $20, Evangeline Lilly's phone number and a warm french cruller.

I can't say I know much about what's going on in the world these days. I heard LeBron and the Cavs came back from 0-3 to win the NBA title. You go LeBron, you are truly the King. I did see that Chris Benoit roid raged real hard and killed his family, which is incredibly sad. There's probably some good stuff going on in the world too, like the iPhone is saving lives or something.

I hope all of my 4 readers are doing well, Finger: The Blog misses each and every one of you guys. There's a ton more I'd love to tell you about, like visiting cousins in Tel Aviv the last night we were there, but I'll have to save some of the "A" material for a later date. I'm getting dark and swarthy and people are starting to talk to me in Greek, so I must be doing something right. I'm off to buy some crazy delicious grapefruits and nap and get ready for the evening.

More later...

Still standing, barely

Ok, quick entry here. I'm in Athens and just got done with the 10 day whirlwind tour of Israel. It was nothing short of amazing, and I am absolutely beat. I think we averaged 5-6 hours a sleep per night. We went to Yad Vashem, crawled through caves, ate at a bedouin camp, drank porch sodas under the desert sky, did an Israeli bootcamp simulation, and rode camels...and that was all literally during one 24 hour stretch. So take them apples and multiply that all by 10 and that kind of gives you an idea of what I've been up to. I sound like Marlon Brando in The Godfather and I need one of those Turkish massages like nobody's business. My body is run down, but I have Mykonos and Santorini in my sights and I'll be damned if I don't get to sweat clean through another buttondown shirt at a nightclub.

I'm craving a cheesesteak like a pregnant Philadelphian and if I never ate hummus or "who-moose" as the Israelis say, I'd be fine with that. What else can I say here. Some of the more memorable moments...beach day in Tel Aviv, peeing in the desert under a starry sky next to a camel pen...there's something very liberating about that...up in the club getting yelled at by my sister for Harlem Shaking just a little too hard...floating in the Dead Sea...and all the folks on my trip were great as well so that just added to it being a excellent trip.

So where does this all leave me...it leaves me ready to get vitamin D from the sun, vitamin C from some fresh squeezed OJ, and some vitamin U from the unce uncing I'll be doing in Mykonos and Santorini. That's all for now. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my bed, diagonally of course, but I'll tough out the tiny Greek people beds for another 10 days though and hopefully I'll get to a computer another time for another update. And by the way, Athens is kind of weak sauce.

Voting Myself Off the Island

I need to get the hell out of Dodge, like now. It just so happens that tomorrow I leave on a 3 week trip to Israel and Greece. Shimon Peres was just elected President, Palestinian factional battles are being fought, so who knows what kind of experience this is going to be. It's been almost 20 years since I was in Israel and I don't remember a whole lot from the trip. It was definitely a different world back then. I'm not looking forward to the 13 hour flight tomorrow, but it is what it is, and I'm sure it will be well worth it. If I'm still standing after my Israel trip I plan on strapping on my Diesel shoes, letting the chest hair flow, and chain smoking my way through the Greek Isles. Although not so much the Diesel shoes and the smoking part.

Yeah, so I'm probably not going to be getting to this blog very often over the next few weeks, but if I can I'll drop a note.

Snaab

I just got back from the Hamptons and I haven't shaved in over a week. I look like the Unibomber meets Vineyard Vines, although glancing at the trashy brilliance that is Hamptons Magazine it appears that I'm going for the Nacho Figueras look. What does this Nacho character do? He's a model, he plays polo (of the horse variety) and from the look of the pictures in the mag he is a champion cougar slayer as well. Bravo, Nacho, we hope for your sake your krytonite is not hay fever or cat dander. Keep slaying...

Oh, and the title of this post refers to a license plate on a Saab someone was driving though East Hampton. I hope that's a joke, but either way I think it's funny. I saw Knocled Up, and I enjoyed it and I saw a lot of rain this weekend as well. I wasn't planning on breaking out my umbrella...ella...ella....ay...ay...ay, breaking out my umbrella...ella...ella...ay...ay...ay. If you have been living under a rock or fall into the Adults 45+ demo you can just click or cut-paste this link and watch...It's safe for work unless your computer screen faces all the senior management offices like mine did.

www.youtube.com/v/X7bK4Vee36M

Last episode of Sopranos tonight so I'm going to do some handicapping:

Tony orders another gabagul (aka capicola) sandwich: 30-1
Tony defrosts and eats Pie Oh My: 29-1
Carmela sports serious cameltoe while wearing Juicy Couture Sweats: 9-2
AJ was an honorary guest at today's Puerto Rican Day Parade in NYC: 200-1
Meadow finally decides to go into public relations: 50-1
I Throw Up When I think of Carm's birthday present to Tony earlier this season: 1-2
Janice Wears a bra: 79-1
John From Cincinnati is horrible: 4-1
Paulie is playing both sides: 23-1
Bobby Bacala gets a role in Joe Dirt II: 11-1 (He was in Joe Dirt, true story, IMDB that)
Tony buys sudafed to clear his congestion: 60-1
Phil Leotardo gets whacked: 3-1
Tony gets whacked: 7-1

Salud.

Subpar Shooting

Quickly...

LeBron James shot 4-16 in game one of the NBA finals, and I, taking on the ordering duties at dinner tonight (Congee Village) went a lousy 2-5. I think the quote that summed up dinner the best was "at least the beer was good". Whatever, it was good company. In a future blog I might discuss why people are so averse to eating bean curd. Is it because of the texture, is it because we are permanently scarred from hearing that Miss Muffet almost got her freaking hand bitten off by a spider when she tried to eat curds, is it because bean curd is just so damn passive when it just sits there on the plate. Actually I'm pretty sure I'll lose all four of my readers if I ever addressed the bean curd issue.

Anyway, I'm planning on going "off the grid" this weekend. I'm leaving my imaginary blackberry at home, and I'm leaving my imaginary laptop at home as well. I don't have a blue tooth ear piece, but I want one just so I can say ridiculous things in the grocery store and when someone turns to look I can just shrug and point at the ear piece like I'm actually having a conversation.

Me: "What? Your dog is racist?"
Old Lady Shopper: (Giving me dirty looks)
Me: (Pointing to blue tooth ear piece and giving her a look that says "hey lady, don't judge, it's not my dog that's racist, it's my buddy's dog")

The only way I'll be able to communicate with the outside world is through the sweet sweet smoke signal goodness emanating from my grill. I'll be cooking tofu burgers all weekend. Until next week...

An unorthodox approach to Woodbury Commons

I went to Woodbury Commons today with my mom and sister. The three of us went up there, and two of us came back. Woodbury can do that to a family sometimes. The heat, the hunger, the pressure, the constant stream of messages in Japanese and Spanish over the loud-speaker...it can get a little overwhelming. I came away with some dress shirts and a suitcase, Mom got some shoes, and my sister left with a nice Norwegian family which should work out great because she loves smoked salmon. Good times for everyone. What always strikes me most about Woodbury is the large number of Orthodox Jews partaking in mid-week shopping.

Quick fact, I am Jewish, and another quick fact, Monroe New York is home to an incredibly large ultra Orthodox Jewish community. Naturally, I googled "Orthodox Jew Woodbury Commons" when I got home. I saw a link that said something like "Thinking about moving to Monroe in Orange Country New York?". No definitely not, but I clicked the link and came to a message board. Here's my favorite post... commenter hjlacey says...

"Monroe actually is a very nice community. Schools are excellent, Woodbury Commons for outlet shopping, Museum Village and lakesif you like swimming or fishing. We have the 'cheese festival' every year as velveeta was invented here. crossroads are NY State Thruway and 17. Drawbacks are taxes and Kiyas Joel which is a very large ultra orthodox Jewish community that has continued to grow unchecked. People are generally nice and friendy."

And a yom tov to you to hjlacey. "A community that has continued to grow unchecked"...really, unchecked like a what, like a virus, like a pack of pitbulls? Hey Monroe, here's your new slogan..."Monroe New York...we invented non-kosher processed cheese so the Jews would stay away". What's the number for the ADL again? 1800-VELVEETA?

But this is the Million Shekel Question: Wouldn't the male shopping experience be easier if we were all ultra Orthodox Jews. I'm in J. Crew and there's an Orthodox guy holding up black pants, and khaki pants. Let me guess, the black pants won out at the last second. Listen my friend, these charades of yours, they definitely not fooling anyone. Brown loafers or black loafers? Well you could use another pair of black ones just in case someone steals the other 30 black pairs you have in your closet. You want some cookies at the food court, those linzer torts sure look good, but let me guess, you're going with the black and white cookie, again. Obviously I exaggerate, a little, but shopping just seem so much easier for the ultra Orthordox set. I guess when you have to be at temple a couple times a day, and then you have to come home to seven screaming kids, and you have hjlacey burning crosses on your lawn you just want to keep it simple when you shop. I can't argue with that, after all, Joseph did catch a big time beat down from his brothers when he wore that technicolor robe.

Um, hello, is this thing on?

So this is the first entry of my blog. I've talked about starting a blog for so long that as I sit down to write I'm almost kind of over the whole idea. But this is going to be fun, people, maybe not so much for you but definitely for me. I'll try not to bore you with the mundane, like what I ate today (oatmeal, hamburger, scallops), or what I thought about Entourage (yawn). What I will try to do with this thing is let you know what I'm up to, where I am, what sneakers I'm wearing, and most importantly, hopefully I'll get you all to come back and check the blog once in a while.

If you want to see female celebrities getting out of limos this is not the place. If you want sports scores this is not the place, although occasionally it might be. If you want breaking news you should probably check somewhere else. Oh my gosh, did you see what happened on Grey's last night? No, I didn't, that show is horrible and I don't care, please leave my blog. I promise that there will be something for everyone, maybe not in each entry, but I'm going to try my darndest to keep it interesting.

Tomorrow starts a somewhat new chapter for me. Last Friday was my last day of work. I'm off for the summer, and I'll be doing some traveling, hanging out, not getting paid, eating some home cooked meals, and getting ready to head up to the University of Michigan in August. Friday wasn't particularly traumatic since I'd given notice at the end of last summer. On Friday I brought home all the important items I'd need in the future like every pay stub since April 2004, the mini strawberry jams I had apparently been collecting, and the 300 napkins I'd taken from Chipotle, and then I left and that was it, gone, done, fin. I wanted to get the IT folks at work to retire extension x7940, but no dice. And because they didn't retire my extension I think it is pretty safe to assume I'm going to be calling my old work number every now and then and asking to speak to "John Finger, the media genuis".

So yeah, work is over and I'm onto the next phase. I hope you'll check in every now and then because this summer has the potential to be one of the best summers of recent memory, or a ridiculously slow and boring next couple of months, although I'm pretty sure it is going to be the former and not the latter.