As some of you may know I went to Puerto Rico with three friends. The mission was simple...fun, sun, beach, party, in no particular order. I don't even know where to start so I'm just going to divide this thing up into parts.
FLIGHTS
A few years ago I flew to St Croix with a connection in San Juan. Upon landing in San Juan, the captain put on Ma$e's "Welcome Back"over the loudspeaker and I kid you not, the entire plane of Puerto Ricans started dancing in their seats. This was a sassy bunch. Going down to San Juan last week, we had a connection in Orlando, but we were flying our second leg on the same exact plane. We got off the plane, grabbed a bite and then boarded the plane again. We flew down to Orlando with a bunch of old pale skinny people from the Detroit area, and when we got back on the plane the average passenger weight had increased by about 30 lbs and the color palette was way darker. It was almost comical. All I knew was that if the plane went down somewhere I was stranded without food, there would be enough meat to last a hundred BBQs. And with all the weaves these women had I'm pretty sure I could've made a hammock or two. You gotta love those Puerto Rican mamis.
DETOUR
We stayed in San Juan the first night and had a mellow night since we arrived at about midnight. The next day we were off to Rincon on the west side of the island, but one of the guys wanted to take a detour and see this old thing...
It's the largest radio telescope (yawn) on Earth. It was featured in one of the James Bond movies. I believe the movie was called "Why Are We Cutting Into My Beach Time?", but it might have been "GoldenEye". It was definitely one of the two, I can't remember which though. If you know me, you know I can a bit of a taskmaster when I travel, but I figured what the hell, it was Spring Break and you just gotta let things flow. Well, mother effing Arecibo was closed on Mondays, so that was great. Time to drive to Rincon...LORRAINE AND HER GLORIOUS BEACH HOUSE
I found a beach house online and booked it based on just a few pictures. All I knew was that it was on the beach and we could each have our own bed for $175 total per night. Pretttty good, prettttty pretttty good. Truth be told, what sold me on this place was that it has a perfect formica table in the kitchen so we could play quarters, and play quarters we did. We were literally on the beach, with a large backyard, steps from all the bars and nightlife. It was perfect, especially for four guys. The only issue was that we were sometimes woken up by ridiculously loud reggaeton at like 7am. Apparently it's a law that you have to put 15 inch subwoofers on your Honda Prelude. It took me about 5 minutes after arriving to climb a tree and take a few coconuts, which I promptly cracked open over a rock and drank the nectar a la Bear Grylls. The juice tasted like Gatorade G2, which is to say, if you are stuck on an island you would probably would think it tasted great, but in ordinary circumstances, you might as well drink something else. I'm thinking G2 might end up in the company of this flop-tastic launch...
The Edsel
And speaking of juice, since we had a fridge and a kitchen it was time to stock ol' Lorraine's fridge so we headed to the local supermercado. If you've gone to supermarkets in the Caribbean or I guess anywhere abroad you know it just ain't the same as your local Kroger. I don't know why I think it's so damn funny, but I like to grab the nastiest local item and put it in the shopping cart until someone notices. This time around it was this...
Unfortunately I don't have the actual picture. There's something very pure about tears of laughter in the meat section of a Puerto Rican grocery store. I only hope you all have the same experience one day. So after shopping we were set to commence what would be five great days in Rincon. Because I'm still exhausted from the trip I'm going to stop here and come back with Part Dos at a later date, when I hopefully have some pictures.
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