Ashley York Vol 8: Closure. Kind of.

Ok, so where was I? Krista Marks...broham. Officially. Krista Marks...the Indian Chief from The Village People. Quite possibly. Krista Marks...scaring the shit out of me from afar. Oh hell yes.

As I mentioned, I had some calls to make, but who was going to believe this? Team Krashley would, but of course I'd get seriously ribbed for having facebook messaged with a chick who was really a dude (who probably had a mustache) all these weeks. But one by one I told Team Krashley and I think everyone was more sketched out than I was. Part of me felt like I was walking into an episode of Dateline: To Catch a Predator meets Candid Camera. Somewhere, there must be someone having a laugh, aside from Krista and Ashley of course. What I couldn't figure out, among other things of course, was how Krista, or Kris, or Ralph or whatever, could possibly think, for a single second, that I wouldn't immediately recognize that this was a man on the other end of the phone. If it was Phuket, and it was dark, and I'm a couple of Singhas deep maybe I'd have trouble because the ladyboys are so ambiguous and confusing and scary. But even in Phuket, if a he-she opens his-her mouth and says something you KNOW if you're speaking to a Krista or a Kris. This was a Kris.

Up until this point though Krista was nothing more than a picture of a pretty blond girl who wrote me messages, but the realness of the conversation honestly scared me. I was frightened a little bit. In fact, here's a picture of the Krista Marks I thought I was dealing with.

[PICTURE REMOVED]

"LOL!!! I have an Adams Apple"

Cute right? Cute like the Son of Sam. The general consensus among Team Krashley was first, not to get killed, and second, to go out and expose these frauds. I agreed, but I wanted to do it right. But leave it to Krista to continue to push. Here is another exchange I had with Krista just days after our phone call. And by the way, at this point, zero interaction with Ashley just so you are clear.

Krista: ARE U TWO JUST NOT INTO EACHOTHER. FED UP WITH EACH OTHER. FRUSTRATED? IF U DONT CARE THEN I WILL STOP BOTHERING.

Krista: JUST DONT UNDERSTAND

JOHN: Frustrated. I think you do understand. This all is too good to be true.

Krista: What does that mean?? U said you REALLY liked her and now ur fucking it up. Are you afraid of good things? And i dont understand. All I know is that she is confused and given ur actions is starting to get over it. LOL WHATS WRONG WITH U?

So you see, I made a vague reference to things not being kosher. And to her question of being afraid of good things...well, if good things include "she puts the lotion on the skin", then yes, perhaps I was a little afraid, and that's why I didn't call out Krista right then and there. In the meantime, Troy and James were working double-time to get this Ashley story out there. James put me in touch with the guys over at thrillist.com, which is dailycandy.com for men for those who don't know. If you don't know what dailycandy.com is then wikipedia it. But through thrillist I was put in touch with this girl. A columnist who had some pretty good credentials. We had only emailed, but she'd heard the general story from the thrillist folks and was interested in hearing the raw and uncut version. The thing was, this story was evolving every single second, so it would be hard to wrap it in a nice little bow, but I would try. Unfortunately time was running thin a little bit. I had to get back to Ann Arbor for my second year of business school. The writer, and I forget her name now, but we kept missing each other. Team Krashley and I had come to the sad conclusion that this really was going to go unsolved. I felt a little bit like a failure. With all the resources we had how could we not figure this out. More than anything I wanted to know who this Ashley was. A week went by and I was getting ready to head back to school in a day or two and wouldn't you know who comes popping up on my facebook again. Your friend and mine, Krista Marks. Mind you, a full calendar week she's picking right back up on the same thread.


Krista Marks: July 25, 2008 at 10:32am Report
And too good to be true is bullshitt.

John Finger: July 25, 2008 at 10:54pm
I don't even think she exists, because if she feels the way you say she feels then she would've made more of an effort a long time ago. She's clearly not interested.

Krista Marks: July 26, 2008 at 2:46pm Report
Umm ok then. Are u interested!? Whatevs, u two would be great. If ur gonna have a sour attitude then forget about it. And shed be more interested if uactually bit back LOL
Sent via Facebook Mobile

So to recap, I just said to her that I didn't think Ashley didn't even exists and she writes back "are u interested". Not that I'm a tough guy, but enough was enough here, so I let it all hang out. And apologies to anyone that is offended by the below. I was just angry.

John Finger July 26, 2008 at 3:42pm
Bite back. While you joke, I mean really, this has been a game for you two and it's getting kind of old.

I liked her when I thought she was real, and now I don't think that anymore. Obviously I spoke to someone on the phone, but not "Ashley York" and she sure as hell doesn't look like that. And it's hard to believe that none of your friends have facebook profiles. You might want to create some to make it all seem more legit. If everything was kosher we would've already met. And quite honestly, any girl who looks like that has better things to do than mess around with some random dude she's never met.

I thought you all would just let this thing die a natural death, but you keep coming back for more. I don't know you guys, and you don't know me, but absolutely nothing checks out. Nothing. I could write a book about all the BS that's been peddled my way. If you are going to say you went to Spence you should've realized that there are 30 girls in a class and of the class of 2000 I know about 10% of the girls, and nobody has ever heard of Ashley York, and trust me, if there was a girl who looked like that who ever came to Spence for even 2 weeks people would remember. That's one. Two, you all play in a very small pool. People who are friends with both of you who I know have never heard of either of you. Not a single one. If a hot blonde facebooks someone you are going to accept, but you know this. And Georgetown...come on. You don't think I know people at the State Department who can run a background check and see that Ashley never went to Georgetown, or that she bought her cell phone at a CellCo in Hackensack? And Elle? Really? Nobody there has ever heard of Ashley York. It sucks getting fired, but it really must really suck getting fired from a pretend job. I could literally go on for another half an hour. A Saturday flight to London at 4:00 doesn't exist and neither does a flight at 3:30, or 3:00, so while I heard all three times thrown out it really doesn't matter. MOMA in Brooklyn? Nashville, Chicago, Miami, North Carolina? Is Marley real? Royal Ascot? What are you going to tell me next, that Ashley got hit in the head with a steel beam back on 9/11? What you all did to Cole was really wrong, and I'm just happy that I asked around as soon as I thought shit was getting weird. And just when I really thought that maybe I was paranoid, you call me, sounding like a dude from Ronkonkoma, and not girl from Old Westbury. If you have laryngitis, I hope you get better, but no girl who allegedly grew up in Old Westbury and went to Columbia talks like that.
If you are going to try to pull this shit, pick people from the Midwest who don't know any better or tighten up your game. "Ashley" was actually very charming and sweet and seemingly bright when I spoke to her. It's a shame you all clearly get off on doing this to unsuspecting people. I want to know the real deal and so do a ton of people that I know. I'm not sure we'll ever figure it out though, but if you want to let me know I'd certainly be happy to pass along the story behind it all. I really want to know who those blondes are. If you know that at least give me that before you go silent. And I hope I'm 100% wrong on this because this would be an extremely ridiculous message, but I know I'm 100% right. You really picked the wrong person this time.

Krista Marks July 26, 2008 at 5:28pm Report
You are 100 percent wrong and fuck u I do talk like that. I never did anything to you and I like Ash is real. I am a good person you are. Clearly paranoid. I don't have time for games. Wow - goodbye.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Catharsis can be a beautiful thing. Who knew that sounding like you're from Ronkonkoma was so horrible either? Her response was super weird too. It was as if he-she just got his-her hand caught in the cookie jar. Some of the details in the note you may not be familiar with. The one that piqued your interested was the 9/11 comment. Apparently at one point on one of Cole's visits Ashley had a relapse into a coma post-head trauma somehow related to a falling beam on 9/11 and was at an undisclosed hospital location. I know...

But it felt good. Really good. If I wasn't going to catch these two I'd at least like to put a scare into them.

The next day I went onto Ashley's profile. When I read what was on her page I could barely believe it. The chutzpah of some people. I don't have the exact quote, but she stated that at some point in the last six months someone had stolen her facebook login and had been communicating with a number of people. She said how sorry she was for the miscommunications and how sorry she was if she hurt anyone. She went on to say how traumatic it was for her these last few months and how deeply affected she'd been by this invasion of her privacy. Rrrrrright. I call bullshit. In fact, I felt it was time to call it to her face (or as least as close as I could get to her face).

Here's my email....and please excuses typos and grammar. It wasn't my finest piece of writing.

Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:56 AM

Ashley,

I just saw your facebook message and I'm really confused. I can't believe that someone stole your identity and has been pretending they have been you for the past 6 months. I was still talking to you on the phone and also through facebook so I really don't know who I was speaking to. Clearly what's going on now is that you are pretending that someone stole your pretend identity. Unfortunately I think you're in over your head a little bit. There's no Ashley York, plain and simple, and I can tell you why.

1. You didn't go to Spence. I know a lot of girls who graduated in '00 and none of them have ever heard of you. You didn't go there for one day, one week, or one year. I actually made people go back through their yearbook and check. Nothing.

2. You didn't go to Georgetown, and I know this because my friend works in Homeland Security and did a background check and there's no Ashley York that ever went to Georgetown. So I guess you didn't make the tennis team there either. Oh, and you got your cellphone at a CellCo in Hackensack. My buddy at Homeland Security told me that too. He also told me the phone is registered to Kim Daniel. Do you know her?

3. Your Dad doesn't work for Merrill. I have a good friend who's an MD there and he told me the only York in the system is in Louisville, or something ridiculous like that.

4. You didn't work at Elle because I know people there and nobody has heard of you. People called, and again nobody has ever heard of you. Interns make the masthead, so it's hard to believe you wouldn't be up there as well. And even worse is that you got fired from an imaginary job. Talk about a tough job market.

5. You never had a flight to Wimbledon, because a 3:00 Saturday flight doesn't exist and neither does a 3:30 or a 4:00.

6. You never were in the Hamptons that weekend and I can't believe I got worked up over all that when you probably did all that just from the comfort of your own apartment.

7. You probably don't even have a dog.

8. Krista is a dude. LOL!! I have no idea why he/she called me trying to pretend it was a girl.And I don't know who Karine is, but from what I gather Krista and this Karine are the same person too. The question is whether all three of you are the same person.

9. Cole. How could you fuck with someone like that? That's just straight up malicious. I don't think you realize the pool your playing in is way smaller than you think. People know people. They talk. They have friends who talk. They see through this facebook shit.

10. If you were British royalty you would a) have better manners and a more authentic accent and b) wouldn't be fucking around on facebook and you'd have better things to do than talk with strangers, such as myself, until the wee hours of the morning.

I'm going to stop there, but I don't know where Ashley York stopped, and pretend Ashley York began, or Kim Daniel stopped and Ashley York began. I don't know who was telling me what. Whoever I spoke to, I enjoyed speaking with her, but I don't even know who that was. The thing is, there is no Ashley York, and that blonde girl is some randomly gorgeous girl who is not you and you've been swiping her pics from somewhere and posting it on the web. Although, if you know who it is can you tell me because I'd like to meet her. I'm over this whole thing, but a lot of the people who I've told this saga to are not over it, and a lot are willing to put in the leg work to figure it out. I'm back in school in a few weeks, where I can move on and focus on meeting real people.

-John

I'll tell you what, that felt pretty good too, but solving the mystery would've felt a hell of a lot better. One day after I wrote the email Ashley York disappeared off Facebook. Poof. Like Keyser Soze.

I had an eleven hour drive to Ann Arbor in a few days. I drove out with a buddy and of course I told him the story. We tried to piece it all together, but we couldn't. His question was the same question most of the people would ask, "so who was the girl in the picture?". I had no clue. It really was a shame that we'd never figure out who those two blond girls actually were...until we did, two weeks later.