I'm Pretty Sure it Doesn't Have to be this Difficult

Remember when the Black Eyed Peas used to be cool? Like circa Bridging the Gap? Remember when your mom just thought black eyed peas were something for a jambalaya? That feels like 100 years ago. It was in fact 10 years ago for those scoring at home. Ten years ago I was starting college. Ah freshman year. Playing pickup ball for hours on end and when I had nothing left in tank I'd head to the dining hall, swipe my card, go nuts on the buffet, and take a couple apples for the road. Ten years later, I still play ball, albeit once a week, and I head to a corporate dining hall, swipe a card, going not as nuts on the buffet, and after I work out in the gym in the building I'll take an apple for the road. The point being this: I really haven't changed that much. Life now is very much, I don't know, "same same but different". However, life is not the same same for a lot of my friends. Like the Black Eyed Peas found Fergie, a lot of friends have found mates, some are married, and some even have little ones running around. And don't get me wrong for a single second, this is all good stuff...and this leads me to a blog about dating (I keep my promises).

1. There is no such thing as a blind date.

Facebook, I want to punch you in the face and hug you at the same time. I'm cool with blind dates, and always have been. At worst it's a single drink, a single hour of your life spent meeting someone else. The thing is that gone are the days of truly meeting someone without any sort of pictures, preconceived notions, or prior reconnaissance. In many ways this is good because we (people of the earth) have preferences in terms of looks, and if there is a pre-screening of sorts that takes place prior to a date then I think that's a good thing...until it becomes a bad thing and we (again, people of the earth) start making snap judgements based on a couple profile pictures. Now part of me wants to know nothing if I'm supposed to meet someone, but part of me wants to know everything. Unfortunately, the part of me that wants to know everything always wins out and I go into whatever date with certain preconceived notions, which is simply just how it is.

2. Adjectives are incredibly (insert adjective here)

I've been incredibly fortunate that people look out for me and try to set me up with other people, and I pay it forward and try to make a match for friends on occasion as well. However, when I try to introduce people I do it because I really and truly believe in my heart of hearts that I'm doing something good for mankind. Although I do have to say that it is amusing, and appreciated when some of my non-Jewish friends meet a jewish girl and then say, "I met this girl, she's jewish, you're jewish, I mean come on, it's perfect". If I was a white rhino and my options for a potential mate were truly on the verge of distinction perhaps I wouldn't need to be so discerning. Sadly, I'm not a white rhino, so I can look around a bit I suppose, but I do appreciate my friends' intentions. In the end, they're only looking out for me. Guys give it to you straight. "Bro, she's a 7. Mad cool. A little crazy in college, but she's mellowed out and has a good job in marketing. Definitely down to drink a beer. Just broke up with a total douchebag". Do you understand how valuable information like that is? That's FBI-quality intelligence as far as I'm concerned. There's quantitative info, there's qualitative info, there's info on her past, her present, and inferences about her future. With girls it is literally the exact total opposite. What's the girl like, I may ask. The answer "she's amazing". Really? Amazing at mahjong. Amazing at croquet. Amazing at crochet. Amazing at telling stories. Amazing at telling lies. Amazing at what? What a meaningless adjective. "Cute" is perhaps not as bad, but still not particularly helpful. Is she cute like a newborn pug? A newborn baby? Is she cute like an expensive clutch? Cute like a decorated cupcake? When I hear she's cute what I really hear is that she's not pretty, because I've been out with "cute" many times, and what "cute" means to me and many of my guy friends is not the same as a girl's definition of cute. I can appreciate that people have incredibly different tastes and preferences, but sometimes I think I'd just rather get the "you'll have to decide for yourself". I don't want to make it sound like I'm bitching because I'm not. Getting set up is a great way to meet people. I just think sometimes people go with the "throw spaghetti against the wall and seen what sticks" method versus the "let me think about this for a second" method.

3. Straight Up Now Tell Me

I clearly have more than three beefs, but I'll make this the last one. Why can't people be more honest when they don't want to keep dating. If someone is not interested I'd want to know immediately, upfront, because I don't think anyone should have to waste their time unnecessarily. Doesn't everyone want that? Yes and no. Yes and no. Why is everything yes and no?

And so it goes. I'll figure it out.

I started the new job today, and whoa, it's different than the old one. Today I looked at a Word document, after having not looked at a single Word doc in four months. I. Like. Words. I can know whether I like a girl five minutes after meeting her, but rotations, not so much. I do know this though.

1) Free hot chocolate in the pantry. Woot!

2) It's quiet decibel-wise, in a good way

3) It clears out at 6:30 - 7:00p. What the what?!

I even got home in time tonight to watch "Oh dat bitch be craaazzaayyyyyy" aka "The Bachelor". Shoot, I even made dinner for myself. Granted, it was a hot dog salad, but cut me some slack, I haven't had the chance to cook for myself in forever, and I'm still getting out the cooking cobwebs. Anyway, I sit next to another guy who is my program, so today we went over the cafeteria to grab lunch. He got his sandwich before I got mine so he came over to me in line and said that he'd meet me out there. No problem. When I got my sandwich and paid I looked for him. He wasn't outside the entrance. He wasn't near the escalator. He wasn't even in the lobby. So I walked back across the street and up to my cube to eat my lunch. About twenty minutes later my friend walked in, and I said I looked for him and didn't see him so I came back. He said he was sitting right at one of the first tables, waiting. Wait, sitting, in a cafeteria, for lunch...what a novel concept. I took lunch away from my desk three times during the last four months, and the thought of actually sitting down somewhere not in front of a spreadsheet and eating did not even cross my mind. Oh Finger: The Blog, you and your crazy ways. I don't know what the next four months will be like, but the work-life balance may or may not be at least slightly better, and I'm looking forward to it.

However, unequivocally, I am looking forward to nothing more than settling in tomorrow and watching the season premiere of Lost. I'm prepared to have my world rocked by a show where the mysteries of dating only slightly out-mystify the mysteries of Lost.