Think Fast

Yom Kippur is tomorrow which means that I'm going to be a grouchy bitch when I wake up because I'll be fasting and I'll be hungry. I just eat all day long these days. Li'l something here, li'l something there. All I want right now is a huge bowl of popcorn and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Together. In a bowl. Actually, not together. I went to services at school and it's probably the first time I've been to services in over a year, maybe two. The crowd was mostly undergrads and it might as well have been a huge SDT/AEPi mixer. That's really the best way to describe it. On the holiest day of the year I feel like people should dress conservatively. I wore a suit and I was in the minority, so maybe I'm a little ye olde fashioned. The way to best describe the dress code tonight has to be Century 21 meets Rick's meets Cosmetics counter at Bloomingdale's meets Mom's hand-me-down jewelry meets My breasts are hanging of my shirt meets Son, you could use a haircut meets Polo cologne meets Tory Burch meets No, that's not my real nose. Yeah, I think that's about how it was.

In surveying the scene I saw a bunch of girls I'd seen at the bars and it was honestly kind of weird to see them not dressed like hookers. I felt like yelling "wolf in sheep's clothing" several times but decided that on Yom Kippur it's better just to smile and not think about food, not think about food, not think about food. Food. Food. Shit.

With midterms coming up next week it's looking like this weekend is going to be far more tame than the last two. The only drawback to going out hard last Saturday was that people were dragging ass in our softball game last Sunday and we lost to a team comprised of old dudes, scrappy asians, and a girl, no she was more like a mom, a "hockey mom", actually more like a bulldog with lipstick. Sitting on the bench waiting to bat I swear I could smell the jagermeister coming out of everyone's pores. And writing that line kind of makes me want to be sick.

And speaking of being sick, I'm going trade in my MBA for a second and channel the MD in me to just drop a little bit of knowledge. At school everything is covered in germs. You have a bunch of tired people who drink and stay up late and eat like crap, so of course that means that you have a lot of sick people. People are touching the same doorknobs, shaking hands, and kissing the same asses, so germs spread like wildfire. I take vitamins, I wash my hands, but I've taken it a step further by eat chili peppers almost daily. Chili peppers kill bacteria (at least I hope so) and if they don't they've been clearing my sinuses and putting more hair on my chest, which I'm not sure I need. All kidding aside, I've managed to steer clear of the junior varsity sniffles that those amateurs are catching as it starts to get colder. Chili peppers also prevent elephants from ruining your farms, oh yeah they do. So my advice to you is eat chili peppers on the regular, fight sickness, and keep elephants away. I'm pretty sure you're not going to get advice like that on any other blog.