Attack of the Bobbleheads

If I hear the phrase "deep dive analysis" one more time I'm going to take a long walk off a short pier. "Forty thousand foot view" is also another one of these overused business phrases. My question is that if people are so busy taking "deep dive looks" and "forty thousand foot views" is anybody actually addressing these issues from a normal point of view? I've invented a new business phrase and it's called "terra firma". People who first want to look at an issue without donning a wetsuit and deep diving or without sporting an oxygen tank and climbing to 40 thousand feet can just roll with me and wear normal business clothes "terra firma" style.

After three days of presentations there must be people with significant neck cramps from nodding so much. During these breakout sessions it's typical to find an associate, VP, or MD from one of the business units surrounded by eager MBAs, or gunners as they're called, trying to ask some questions and make an impression. I'm not going to lie, I'm up in the mix, but unlike some of my classmates I'm not trying to find out what kind of toothpaste these guys use. Fellas, it's called personal space. I try to give these guys some room, ask my question, get my answer and then leave. But you'll see seven students surrounding one employee just listening and nodding their heads for hours on end. If you step back and look around it's really funny. This is the best way I can describe a typical MBA-VP discussion.





"Yes, hello, my name is Jim Wannabebanker, and I have a three part question. First, what do you think of the recent credit crunch and will it affect hiring for this coming year. And if it does do you think it will be as a result of an internal restructuring, and what would that restructuring entail. Actually I guess that's four parts."







"Well, as you know we took some writeoffs this past quarter, but what we're really going to focus on is how many gold buttons are on my suit. I count three. I wouldn't worry about restructuring because it isn't going to affect how many shirts you'll have to pick up from the drycleaners for me. Basically I can say anything right now, and you are going to nod your head like an idiot. Is you mother a smelly pirate hooker?"










(Nodding)











Excellent. I'm going to work your sorry ass so hard this summer that you might as well not even rent an apartment because you'll be living at your desk. Isn't that great?










(Nodding)










Wonderful. I'm looking forward to our interview when I ask you to open a window that unbeknownst to you is permanently locked, just so see how much effort you are willing to put into it. Wait, hold on a second...my boss is calling...











"God dammit Jones. Did I not say two-ply? Are you a moron? Are you deaf?"










(nodding)








Forget those Vault Guides, that's how it goes. I'm back on the plane tomorrow to Ann Arbor. This stay has been way too short, but it is what it is. Hopefully I'll get some interviewing love which will bring me back a couple more times between now and the summer. Until then I'll be practicing eating danishes.