The Most Disciplined Man in Media Services

If you've been watching any TV lately maybe you've noticed the ads for the McDonald's Southern Chicken Sandwich. Unfortunately I can't find the ad I want on youtube right now, but if I do I'll be sure to post it. For the first 20 seconds you think you're watching an ad for TIAA-CREF or something, but then some cute artsy chick with some fancy reading glasses likens the new McDonald's Southern Chicken Sandwich to a piece of art. This is followed by some hipster surfer dude dubbing the new McDonald's creation as the perfect sandwich. While next Monday I start my career in Financial Services, I really won't ever be able to completely forget or ignore my passion for media. While working at my last job one of my buddies once called me "The Most Disciplined Man in Media Services" which I think had something to do partly with how I worked, partly how I played, and partly how I ate. Whatever it was, I liked the moniker. So while I haven't officially put on my financial services hat, I thought I'd dust of the media services hat and see if there was any truth behind McDonald's claims about this new chicken sandwich. Oh, and here's what it looks like in their print ads...

First off, what's this sandwich missing? Color. Sesame seeds on the bun. Some character perhaps. And most importantly, it's missing any clear distinction that this isn't actually a fish fillet sandwich. Already four strikes against this sandwich before even tasting it. Being the investigative journalist that I am, I didn't just take some stranger's word that they saw a tape of the Rams pre-Super Bowl walk-through, I actually decided to go and try this thing. Just to be very clear, I would NEVER go to McDonald's, ever, unless I was eating for free, or I had to use the bathroom in an emergency. It just so happened that I was eating for free because there was a coupon for a free Southern Chicken Sandwich in the paper this weekend.

While running errands with my sister I asked her to pull into a McDonald's so I could try the thing. I walked into the McDonald's looking for that cute artsy girl with the glasses. She wasn't there. What about the surfer dude, who totally rode some killer tubes at this morning's surf sesh? Not there either. Who was there? A bunch of fat people on their lunch break. Weird, I know. Know your customer Ronald, know your customer. And speaking of knowing your customer, watch this commercial for the breakfast version of this sandwich and ask yourself whether McD's is targeting white kids who are asking for a beatdown somewhere in Harlem.



And yes, that white kid says "A chicken fo' brefast, girl". A part of me wanted to go and find the cutest woman in the place and sidle up next to her and say, "A chicken fo' lunch, girl, I knew there was something freak-ay abou' chu". Since I was in a crowded McDonald's in Port Chester with a bunch of ravenous women around, I decided to spare myself a black eye before I start work and just order the sandwich and leave.

I ordered the sandwich and presented the coupon to the cashier and was asked if that was all I wanted. I calmly pointed to my hat

and told her it stood for "Most Disciplined Man in Media Services" and that I live a spartan lifestyle and all I wanted was the sandwich. No way McDonald's was making money off of me today. I got to the car and my sister had locked me out. Not to blame her, but that McDonald's smell in a car might as well just be called the White Trash air freshener. I looked at the sandwich, and it looked back at me, and it looked as sad as it did on the commercial. One piece of chicken, three pickles, no sauce, no lettuce, no tomatoes. Why would anyone get to the register, look up at the menu and order the most plain, boring looking thing on it. The sandwich tasted okay, but perhaps if I acted like a jackass like that kid in the commercial it would taste not only "Freaky", but "Freaky good". Naturally, I started doing the Running Man in the parking lot of the McDonald's while eating my sandwich. Unfortunately it still just tasted okay. I took about four bites and then threw the rest out (again, MDMIMS).

What I learned was that McDonald's new racist chicken sandwich is a) racist, b) questionably chicken, c) not that tasty, d) not that tasty even while doing the Running Man, and e) unpleasant to look at.

I'd love to have been in on that marketing meeting where some braniac was like, "Okay, my idea is to take off the tomatoes, the lettuce, and the sauce, but we're going to have not one, not two, but three pickles". And then there was silence....and then Ronald McDonald stood up, cried a little white tear and started clapping and then everyone else in the room burst out in applause. I love marketing. I love media. I sure as hell don't love me a McDonald's Southern Chicken Sandwich fo' lunch and not fo' brefast either.